I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
