I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
