Say something about gay babies.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
