I wish my penis had an off switch
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
