Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
