woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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