Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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