better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
