my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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