A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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