12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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