Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
