I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
