Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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