Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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