i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Im part way to drunk.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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