my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
me + whiskey = a bad person
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
