seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize