you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
