Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
