eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
