This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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