Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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