i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
