Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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