And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
