Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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