My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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