k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
