i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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