you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
