I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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