will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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