pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
