Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
