Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
