its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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