party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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