I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
