I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
