I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
