I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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