Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
