She announced her abortion via fbk
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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