Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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