Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
