Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
