Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize