Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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