that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
