Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
