I just threw up on my dentist
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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