We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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