he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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