I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
