I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
