either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
