I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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