So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
