i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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