im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
not ubering you a puppy
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Never underestimate the power of titties
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