a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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