How's work?
Spinning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
