Your dad touched me again.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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