I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
