So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
