tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
