From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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