i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
