he thought i was a dude.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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