No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Boobs are out for the taking
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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