You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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