All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
