exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
