scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize