Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
