I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
