wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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