Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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