i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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