I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
