my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
