I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
