She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
