you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I party with great urgency now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
