you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
