Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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