And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
