why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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