I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i may or may not be watching the land before time
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's always time for handjobs
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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