Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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