I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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