for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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