just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
