I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize