he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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