you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
