Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Randomize
